


Illusion

by hurricxneamelia



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 14:31:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20547731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hurricxneamelia/pseuds/hurricxneamelia
Summary: (A Keyleth character study oneshot; set after Dalen's Closet)She watches her family celebrate, a small smile resting on her face. This is a joyous occasion, truly. To see Percy and Vex as happy as they are, to see Grog and Pike drinking and having fun together, to see Scanlan entertaining and flitting around, being the life of the party that he’s meant to be is a gift she supposes.All of it’s a gift really, to be here still, after everything that everyone’s gone through. A part of her wonders if this is real, or if this family is just a feverish illusion and that she’ll wake with a jolt. She knows for the most part this is nonsensical; Vox Machina has proven time and time again that they love her, that they’re real.





	Illusion

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Dalen's Closet and absolutely could not resist writing this, so enjoy, but beware of spoilers.

She watches her family celebrate, a small smile resting on her face. This is a joyous occasion, truly. To see Percy and Vex as happy as they are, to see Grog and Pike drinking and having fun together, to see Scanlan entertaining and flitting around, being the life of the party that he’s meant to be is a gift she supposes. 

All of it’s a gift really, to be here still, after everything that everyone’s gone through. A part of her wonders if this is real, or if this family is just a feverish illusion and that she’ll wake with a jolt. She knows for the most part this is nonsensical; Vox Machina has proven time and time again that they love her, that they’re real.

Life can be illusory, Keyleth knows though.That’s why the small insidious part of her mind that whispers that her family may not be real and she doesn’t deserve this still lives on. It thrived when she lost Vax'ildan. Logically, she knew it was his price to pay and there was nothing she could do about it, but, in moments of self doubt and loneliness, that remnant of her old self buts its way through to taint the vivacious, strong, flower she’s become. 

It’s almost as if she can never kill that part of herself that believes she doesn’t deserve to be happy. She thinks of Vax, and of the innocents whose deaths she’s had a hand in and wilts further into the visage of her former self. 

Vax especially encouraged her to live and forgive herself. He helped her want to live the life she deserved and he stood up for her. He helped guide her, and she wishes he still could. 

She’s a strong leader, and she always will be. She is the Voice of the Tempest and the ruler of Zepharh. However, she understands that without Vax’s influence she would not have become what she is today. Without her family too, she wouldn’t be the person she is. She’d still be that shy, awkward girl she was. 

In her present situation, she is both lost and found. When the ground shakes in Zepharh, she looks to her side for the rogue she loves so much, only to find an empty space. Where he should be is a void of deafening silence amongst whatever chaos is stirring her panic. She is strong enough to lead on her own, and she has for a year. Keyleth also knows she does a damn good job of leading. She simply wishes she could see the face of the one she loves, to ask for his encouraging words and to know that she is not alone. 

The redhead thinks of his words only hours ago, telling her to move on. Even now, having said a more finite goodbye, she doesn’t know if she can. It’s all so uncertain. Before him, the concept of soulmates was completely unbelievable, but now, looking at the situation, perhaps Vax’ildan was her soulmate. Of course, this could be coming from a place of raw emotion. After all, seeing your dead loved one again, even if for a tender moment is jarring. The half-elf considers, new love is out there, but is she ready to find it? 

Vax is her first love and that’s special to her. He is also part of the family she now has. Looking at the scene before her, she would die for these people. Pike, Scanlan, Grog, Vex, Percy. 

They’re the people she loves more than anything, but she knows they can’t and won’t be around all the time when she needs them for something, especially something trivial. She’s learning to be alone, but that doesn’t erase the fear and insecurity that crawl in the pits of her stomach still. A leader has to be strong and good, not fearful. 

She’ll do anything she can to aid those who need it, but she’s aware of her flaws. Keyleth finds herself wondering occasionally if she’s unbalanced as a leader, but that doubt thankfully dissipates. She’s ruled Zepharh well and succeeded on many diplomatic missions. She is fulfilling her role as the Voice of the Tempest. 

The druid is succeeding. She has a family and she has a tribe and people who love her. This is the part of Keyleth that is found, that she’s sure of. She’s happy despite still healing. The juxtaposing lost and secure feelings provide an uncomfortable contrast she prefers not to ruminate on because it ultimately leads to uncertainty. 

Instead, Keyleth does her utmost to focus on the present and channel her energy into whatever task is at hand. In doing so, she can honor her title, her family, her love, and herself. The present is the wedding on the cliff though, and as guests mingle, Keyleth sits with her wine and spectates. 

Scanlan and Pike have already asked her to dance and she’s put it off until a bit later for favor of taking the scene in. The soft, warmly lit night is a welcome contrast to the image of Vex’s body at the bottom of the sea, lifeless. To think, they’d come this far, and grown so far and once again, someone died. Thank god for Pike.

Vex is a perfect example of the fragility of life, she supposes. It’s unfair, the circumstances of her temporary death (not that Keyleth expected anything else from Silas), the Ranger fought so hard under the water only to die. Death’s indeterminacy is unfair, she thinks next. If Vex had died, Percy would be a widow and Vesper would be left without a mother. Her thoughts regarding death aren’t exactly angry, but they’re tired. 

When Vax died, the rest of Vox Machina thought it was all over, and that they could begin to heal and go on living. No one imagined Silas to be alive and no one ever imagined that on the eve of Vex and Percy’s wedding he’d strike. 

At least he’s actually dead now, and Keyleth doesn’t have to stumble through a speech in front of masses of people tomorrow. It’s ironic that a beautiful thing like a wedding can come at the end of such a perilous day. Silas’ day of intended destruction has turned into something absolutely beautiful, and that makes the druid feel a bit warm inside. 

Her family is still here, and they have survived yet another trial. If only Vax had been at their side. The pang in her heart upon another thought of Vax isn’t enough to distract from how much love she feels for her family. She then thinks of his promise, that he’s always there with them, and then of his reminder that he’s safe. That’s all she can ask: that he’s safe. 

Vex’s voice pulls her out of her reverie then, “Dance with me?” asks the Ranger. 

Keyleth blinks a few times before she can form a response, “Uh, yeah, though if Scanlan sees us dancing, he might try and steal me away,” she half jokes with a short laugh as she allows Vex to pull her up. 

“Oh, I think he’s quite busy,” she nods toward the Bard in the corner. He’s talking to a small group of people, a flirty grin on his face. 

Once properly on the dance floor Vex takes the lead to the slower music and the two fall into a pleasant but silent pace as they go. After a moment, the red head speaks up, “Could I ask you something?” She ventures. 

“Hm?” Vex tilts her head in curiosity. 

“Why’d you let me have time to speak to Vax today? It was your wedding gift,” her voice is soft, as if she’s unsure about broaching the topic.

A look of grief crosses the Ranger’s features for a split second before she answers, “Because I know how much he meant to you, and you’re my family, and besides, I think he would’ve regardless of if I attempted to monopolise his time.”

The latter half is a fair point. The rogue acknowledged the whole group at least once, but Keyleth had been able to hold him one last time, on Vex’s wedding day. The gesture in of itself was unfathomably kind. “Thank you,” she finally replies with a nod, hoping her voice conveys a semblance of the emotion she feels. 

Vex simply nods, offering her sister a smile, who returns it. 

The day feels surreal and for a split second, her life feels extremely surreal. What if she wakes up and this has all been a dream?

It is then though, that Vex’s arms resting around her as they dance, remind her that this is reality. Every experience and every person she’s ever known all weave together to form the tapestry that is part of who she is. Parts of it are burned, yes, but it’s also beautiful and rich, it is her. She is Keyleth, Voice of the Tempest.


End file.
